Category Archives: Kids

Hello, my name is “THAT (S)MOM”…

Soooo here we are on day two of the first week of school! YAY! I must admit although I have dreamt about this for a couple years (to avoid daycare costs and 24/7 entertaining SD), it is a bit odd. I mean I know I didn’t birth her (praise cheesus to that), but it is still a little mind-blowing that SD is in real life school, not some BS 3 hour VPK nonsense.

A kindergartener?! REALLY?! Am I that old!? Shit. 

Anyhoo, there has been a trending convo that my other mom (& mostly my baffled non mom) friends in the past couple weeks: being THAT MOM. I am first to admit that I am OCD, need a paper trail for most communication or agreements, and have my calendar filled in through December. I think you all know a “THAT MOM”, in fact you do…MEEEEEE :)  We are the ones who made gifts for the kids and teacher on their first day, the ones that make peanut butter banana sushi in lunches, the PTA pushing, overly involved ladies! I think that the evolution of Pinterest and how easily anyone can access crafty awesomeness on blogs has a LOT to do with the outrageous things us moms and smoms are doing with our “free time”. But seriously, what kid doesn’t want pb nanner sushi in their lunch!? I sure as hell would! I had these gems ready to go for the first day over a week ago:

Obvi I didn’t hand out an empty vase! Flowers were added the night before. DUH.

The truth is I am an ass kissing-overachiever by nature and I LOVE giving gifts. Ok, and I don’t mind out doing people either LOL! I had my volunteer app turned in June. Outfits are picked out for SD for the next 3 weeks (mind you we are on every other day visitation so it’s not THAT much to have together). I had a letter for our teacher in hand on orientation to explain our parenting plan and the bonkers amount of travel that SD would be encountering on our days (45 min, 33 mile trip one way) because I am concerned it may get crazy and I wanted her to be in the loop. And last night I already wrote another note asking how I could help and explaining that there would be clothing back and forth daily in her bag. A bit much? Maybe…but I like to cover my ass and be prepared.

This fall is my LAST full semester at USF, and I have 15 credit hours (3 courses on campus and 2 online). I’d say about mid September my head will spin trying to keep up with kindergarten happenings, my school work, a potential job and keeping this house in order-stay tuned for that doozie of a post! Hence, I am prepared before shit hits the fan. I have Labor Day vacay planned, Halloween mapped out-costume and all, visitation break downs through December, Thanksgiving in NYC set to book this weekend, Christmas Eve dinner reservations set (BTW I only had to call 35 times to get through to WDW dining… But Be Our Guest Restaurant  looks SO worth it), and lots of other ridiculous shit handled…but it is HANDLED and everyone who is being  judgey can kiss my ass :)

I’ll check back in after my first experience in the “car rider line”  on Friday. I’m sure I will get yelled at or nearly truck a kid with the X5. Wh0ops!

-Manda-

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Hot Mess does OG Dressing!

As promised, below is my rendition of the Olive Garden Italian Dressing. GASP! Is this 2 posts this week?! OH SNAP! Personally I like it better than the real deal OG, but I may try and sub out the corn syrup for agave next go round. I’m not really a fan of OG and frankly I think it is a shame they call it “Italian”, but the salad and lovely 140 calorie a pop breadsticks are prettttty dang good. It has been at least a HOT 5+ years since I have gone to the joint too though, so don’t get all pissy patty** on me because you LOVE it or some shit!

Hot Mess OG Dressing

  • 1/8 C White Vinegar
  • 1/8 C White Wine Vinegar
  • 3 tbsp grated parm
  • 1/2 tsp garlic salt
  • 1/2 tsp Italian seasoning
  • 1/2 tsp salt
  • 2 tbsp light corn syrup
  • 2 tbsp reduced fat mayo
  • 1/4 cup water
  • 1 tbsp lemon juice
 Mix all that jazz up and combine with a PREPARED (water & oil of your choice) packet of Good Seasonings Zesty Italian Mix
Chill 1 hour before serving, will keep 3-4 weeks in sealed jar or bottle. I used a Grolsch bottle I had saved for god knows what LOL.
**Pissy Patty side note: I have spent basically an entire “work day” cleaning up what seems to be 2 gallons of SD’s pee, because she “didn’t want to get up” last night and go in ohhhhh I don’t know where… MAYBE in the TOILET!?!  Steam clean, rinse, repeat 5 times, sprinkle with baking soda, vacuum, dab with vinegar & water, wait to dry…STILL  wreaks of urine. SUPER, right!?
BONUS RECIPE ALERT!!!
Breakfast at Denny’s Shot: 
  • 1 oz Jameson (or any whiskey will do, I know we can’t be fancy all the time lol)
  • 1/2 oz Butterscotch Schnapps
  • Served chilled with an OJ back and a slice of bacon
(Thanks Megs for reminding me of this gem and adding the bacon!)
Happy Monday, we all managed to survive another…although many of us prob would have been better off with a couple bfasts at dennys to start it off !
-Manda
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Shit my SD says

Yep, the 5 yr old sure says some doozies! I will update as more random and possibly inappropriate crap flies out of her mouth…feel free to add your own kids (or mine) words as a comment!

  • “Amanda, here is a bell…I will ring it when I need you”
  • “When will I get boobies? My Nana’s boobies are long will they look like those?” Sorry NJ, she said it not me!
  • “What’s a wiener?!”
  • “Can I get you a beard?” Note beard=beer and she will ask at all hours of the day haha. here’s my sign?
  • “Are you paying with my Daddy’s money? Because you don’t have a job” This was at the counter at Juicy…sure was Daddy’s money dear ;)
  • “Red solo poop, I feel you poop…let’s have a poooooopppppy! Proceed to poopy!”
  • “Amanda you are never ever gonna have babies if you keep taking your no baby medicine!”
  • “We don’t ever go anywhere fun except Disney, Unibersal, the beach…” umm really?!
REALLY LATE UPDATE (all from 4/21 randomly at the Rat’s house (CEC)):
  • “It’s Justin Beiber that attacts me”
  • One time I showered with Nana and she was naked and it looked like freckles and old stuff”
  • SD: “When can I get a tattoo?” BD: “Never, I’ll be mad at you” SD: “Well you won’t know cause I’ll be in New Nork, you know that!” uhhhhh what?! lol.

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