Why going shopping is the WORST

Lets start this off with the fact that I said going shopping is the worst, not shopping itself. There is a clear difference and my loving husband and coworkers can attest that I can shop with the best of them…online. Amazon Prime is the best shit since sliced bread as far as I am concerned. Wait 7-10 days for an item to arrive? NOPE. Filter that shit out on Amazon and find someone who has it right meow! Also note that I LOVE going to the grocery store, its like my happy place. Much of a happier place when I could have Tervis full of the good shit doing my thing solo, but I digress.  Lets break down why going shopping blows big ones, shall we?!

  • People are fucking idiots. This time I’m talking those of the adult kind. Like oh hey let me park my semi sized cart (yes, you know the one I am talking about- the 2 seater kids racecar bullshit I have only made the mistake of giving into ONCE) in the middle of the aisle where I’m not buying shit and chat with a neighbor while there are 10 other people trying to man their metal cart of shit around me. Sounds legit, right? Or how about when you are in a small section of clothing and someone is allllll up in your space about 2 hangers away sifting through the exact same rack at the same damn time? That is when we play a game of catch my elbow to your torso if you don’t give me the 30 damn seconds I need to find my size :) Oops, sorry! Then there are the adults that wander around like my 8 year old SD. These are the ones pushing carts on the wrong side, walking 3 adults deep HORIZONTALLY and not moving to let you pass by or mind fucked into their phone so hard I’m not sure what they are even doing there. Y’all need to stay at WalMart, mmmk?!
  • Kids. I get it, you have to take them places but can we please have some damn ground rules? How about if it fits, it sits…in the damn cart. Little Charlie will be much better off crushing that cookie in the comfort of the shopping cart. Instead we deal with kids touching everything, cart wheeling through aisles, hiding in racks of clothes (I am not trying to be tagged as “it” while sifting through Nike Pro’s, alright?!) and acting as tiny human speed bumps. Also, how about if they are IDK 10 or 12 like this one a-hole I saw, straight up riding in the cart ice luge style on the bottom rack we say that’s probably not a good idea?! Not my prob if he gets his foot checked by the next passer by but jeezuz people, come on!
  • Trying things on. 90% of the time I refuse. Just think about what you’re doing- sticking your stank ass into what someone else just did the same to ten minutes before? Ever hear of people trying on undies?! YEAH, THAT IS A THING. Order those bitches online and they arrive sealed in individual bags. File that one under #ProTip, you’re welcome. Bathing suits? No chance! That sticker isn’t protecting your goodies from somebody else’s gross lady bits for one second! Again…order online and return/exchange if you have to.
  • Electric carts. If I had to guess I’d say about 80% or more of the people using those things are not physically impaired enough to need them. Normally they are What’s Eating Gilbert Grape giant, old AF, lazy or a trifecta. Or drunk idiots like my brother (RIP)… SMDH. Anyways, these things are huge, loud and the drivers are the same. Cut the shit and walk it out if you can, your ‘beetus thanks you.

The list could go on and on really. I will stick to tracking 14 packages a week and playing whats in the box at work so long as I can dodge shopping as much as possible! Y’all can have those thrilling trips to the mall, LMK when you’re exiting so I can meet you for an adult beverage!



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You love being pregnant!? I call bullshit.

It was about 4 months of trying (psycho tracking my cycle and morning raping my husband) before I finally grew a pair to pee on the stick after I was a week late for my monthly friend. JK, I didn’t pee on it. I decided to half ass the test and dip that $12 stick of horror into where I had already peed and somehow decided at 5:45am “fuck it, I’ll dip it in and it probably won’t work…I’ll check when I get out of the shower and still be able to partake in thirsty Thursday tomorrow”. SIKE. I couldn’t set that Clear Blue digital down before the bitch read PREGNANT. Legit tossed it in the cabinet and debated life in the shower. Finally grew a pair and told the hubs post shower, in tears. See how magical that was!?

Moving forward I felt pretty normal for the next few weeks. Well, not really- I was DYING for a drink. Watching DH drink over those first couple of weekends was a form of torture that should be illegal. I was a hormonal vodka needing asshole. Then the joys of morning sickness rolled around and although I never actually puked, I had the pleasure of feeling deathly hungover from about 5am-3pm daily. Weeks 7 8 & 9 sucked but I wasn’t fat yet so that was a plus. In fact, I lost weight all the way up until week 17 when I evened back out. Not sure how I pulled that off because carbs were LIFE. Bagels on bagels on bagels. Everything has been alright since then and I’m missing more of my waistline daily. With that little inside story out there, here is why I call bullshit on “loving” being pregnant:

  • This shit is 100% alien. Hey, you’ve got a semi- permanent human growing in you and today its the size of a sweet potato! WHAT. THE. FUCK. Like really, what about that sounds cool?! Ever seen the diagram of how shit shifts around in there to make room for your spawn?! Google it.
  • No booze. Ok, well no booze according to some US studies. Pretend you’re European or Australian and you are cool with some “moderate” drinking. Do your research and keep yourself sane. I have a couple glasses of wine prob twice a week on average. The she-alien (spoiler alert if you didn’t already know its a girl lol) is jussssst fine and I haven’t been committed so I’d call that a win. Don’t add blow or cigs to your vino and all will be well (no really, some studies forget to tell you all the deets about their subjects). Sorry to ruin your party lol.
  • Tired level: ZOMBIE. Literally could go to bed at 4pm and be fine with staying there all night. Whats that 2nd trimester glorious energy they speak of? I know none of it.
  • Everyone’s damn opinion on working out. I LIFT WEIGHTS. Not the girly ass 8lb hand weights at your local YMCA either. Pre-baby growing I was racking up some sweet PRs over the past 2.5 years (230 deadlift, 205 back squat, 115lb hang clean, etc.) This means my head will spin when you tell me to put the 22lb bag of cat food down. My doctor is aware of my crossfit regimen and last I checked you dont carry a medical degree so pipe the F down and back up. You can continue sitting on your ass now :)
  • PEE. Just learned this the hard way last week- you can/will piss your pants. Or maybe not your pants if you’re lucky enough to be in a robe only when you choke on some OJ and BLAM…you’re 2 dogs are looking at you like WTF lady! Working out you feel like you’re gonna pee. Middle of the night pee. Pee. Pee. PEE.
  • POOP. Yeah, I said it. Remember how I said to google how your insides shift when knocked up? Welllll that also screws with your bowels and its not fun. When your stomachs upset, you can’t take Pepto. Then they want you to get more iron and that supplement backs you up to 1995. Then you get gas pains so bad you think the baby is now stabbing you with a knife. My advice? Don’t skip the fucking Friday Grande Pumpkin Spiced Latte you normally get. Shit (HA) gets real if you’ve got issues for too long.
  • Food “restrictions”. You will be judged on this almost as much as you were by that 12 year old at Cheesecake Factory when she eavesdrops and tells her dad you’re drinking wine and talking about how far along you are. Yes, that happened while meeting to talk baby shower, suck it kid. Under-cooked meat, eggs, deli meat, sushi, soft cheese & all things you likely adore are “off limits”. To that I say NOPE. I eat eggs over medium prob once a week, have had a turkey sammich or 2 and still wont burn my steak over medium rare. Americans have a problem with moderation in general so I’d guess doctors are just like “lets tell these clowns no so they don’t go to the all you can eat sushi bar like jackasses and off their baby accidentally”. Moderation people, moderation!
  • Maternity clothes. No, I haven’t switched to them yet. I also haven’t started wearing orthopedic shoes (because wearing heels pregnant is some kind of CRAZY thing!?). People were asking that shit right after I announced like 10 weeks ago. Honey, I was down weight because I couldn’t drink my face off so I was digging being 3lbs under my pre-prego weight so BACK OFF lol. Literally just ordered and started using the Bellaband late last week (week 21). I don’t want to “enjoy” the fucking fat pants with elastic waistbands. I don’t want a reason to feel comfortable getting larger. Growing up in the cheer and dance industry its really hard for me to grasp being OK with gaining weight. I’ve put on right under 6lbs and I’m 22 weeks tomorrow. And before you say it, yes I know I am going to grow and gain weight but there is not one ounce of me that likes it.
  • Freak show dreams. Ever dreamt of losing your shit on your husband because he and all of your house guests got DQ Blizzards and you didn’t? How about dreaming everything you try and drink is just a fake out container of saliva? It gets more and more strange by the night and trying to explain it is even more absurd.  PS- I got a damn blizzard and it was glorious.
  • Ride restrictions. Being the Disney junkie that I am, it really sucks to have to sit out Tower of Terror AND get DH a beer while you’re at it. Double whammy of suck. I get it if its Montu or Manta and there are some G forces going on but I doubt anything in Magic Kingdom is going to throw this kid for that big of a whirl. I still do handstand push-ups soooo!?
  • Birthing. While I dont know it personally yet, it seems HORRIBLE. All the drugs in the world don’t make sending an 8lb baby down a hallway they say can get as big as a bagel sound intriguing. Nor does having your gut sliced open while awake. LOSE LOSE situation here kids. Wake me up when its over?!
  • Anxiety. While I am no stranger to heart palpitations, over thinking and Olympic style worrying this baby thing brings it to a whole new level. First Dr. appt BP? 144/70. Whoops. You didn’t feel it move at 16 weeks like some other broads? Freak out. Google lab results. Freak out some more. Read blogs about next doctor’s appointments. You guessed it, FREAK THE FUCK OUT. All day, everyday… and then remember you can’t self medicate with copious amounts of booze.

I’m sure there is more that I should have written down when I thought “this is some bullshit”  but  I didn’t. The next time someone says “you will miss having that baby growing in you” I’m buying a bottle of Tito’s for post baby eviction date so I can remember that I sure as hell WON’T miss it lol. That’s my list for this evening, it’s bed time bitches. LMK what you HATED about being knocked up so we can all get a good laugh :)

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Welp, it’s been a minute…

Blah Blah Blah… back in 2013 I was clearly hammered when I said I’M BAAAACK. Get over it :) Lucky for you this is going to be part of my weekly agenda from here on out. Hell, you may even get more than that once the she alien decides to reside somewhere besides my uterus and I’m kicking it from home on the reg. May as well start with another disclaimer for old times sake: I am not nice, I am giving MY opinion and occasionally I will hit you with some TMI. Read on or don’t, IDGAF.

SO with that said, where to start? Quick update before you get what you’re really here for- the shit show life I happen to document for your (& my) entertainment. If you can’t laugh at it, you’re gonna need a lot more than a box-o-wine to cope & ain’t nobody got time for that.

Knocked up as of May-ish this year. 5 months and some change along with what we have been told is a little lady (HA!! you do realize that means another me, right!?). Harlow Elle’s last reported EDD (estimated due date for the non preggers) is 1/30 which just so happens to be my brother’s birthday. GO FIGURE. We’ve got the anatomy ultrasound on Tuesday so I will be sure to update if there is a surprise wiener LOL. If that’s the case I have about $400 worth of clothes and shit to purge- stay tuned. I still don’t own maternity clothes, wear 5″ heels to work, kick ass in the gym and GASP! have a glass or TWO of wine 1 or 2 nights a week. More on this shit later, calm your tits.

Still chugging along at the J-O-B. 3 years last week actually. I’ve had 3 or 4 positions there and still don’t want to kill anyone, so something must be going right. Thankfully my team is equally as sarcastic and weird as me so it works. If we’re friends on FB you’ve seen my shameless posts for referred employees, pet food contributions (seriously, do you not like puppies?! email me HERE to help) and other awesome stuff we do on the reg. Pretty much can’t imagine spending 40 hours a week anywhere else. And as for the most popular question these days: No, I haven’t made a decision past maternity (ew) leave. So if you work with me and you’re reading this, you cannot have my book of biz. Fuckers.

Don’t think I’ve ever touched on this one here but, I drank the kool-aid. Yep, I crossfit. But Amanda, you’re PREGNANT. Yes and!? After living the cheerleader life for the majority of my youth, I’ve found nothing else that is this pleasing athletically. My dead lift PR is 235, back squat is 205 & my mile time still sucks, but I love it. Yes I still workout 4x a week, no your opinion doesn’t matter. Yes my doctor approved it too, suck it :)

As for the glorious land of stepmomhood, as anticipated it has not gotten any easier. SD changed schools into our home county (WIN) but clearly grew a pair over summer that I didn’t notice on all the fun shit we took her to. Recently she’s decided to forgo listening to her teacher and is cool with getting her ass chewed (likely only from us) bi-weekly. As a result of that, my opinion has been disregarded from BM’s little snow globe of trailer heaven and I have officially been BLOCKED from her iPhone and email. I’m not sure if I’m more relieved or pissed off, but the hubs helps by not acknowledging her bullshit and replying better than I could have with a big fat thumbs up emoji.

Clearly there is more to touch on but I’m fading fast here since 9pm is what I now refer to as BEDTIME. More to come later this week skanks, stay tuned!

I hope this makes her want to jump off the Skyway :)

I hope this makes her want to jump off the Skyway :)

I’m Baaaaack! And Now You Have a Dinner Idea…

I know, I know…it’s been nearly a year and I come back at you with a lame (but delish) recipe?! Please believe I have more in store, so calm the f down already!

Chicken Sausage Stuffed Portobellos

2 large portobello caps, cleaned and hollowed
2 greenwise hot italian chicken sausage links (I used Publix but I’m sure Al Fresco would work great too)
1/3 sweet onion, chopped
1 mini sweet orange pepper, chopped
1 tsp garlic salt
1 tbsp red pepper flakes
1 cup chopped fresh spinach
1/4 block 1/3 fat cream cheese
Shredded parmesean cheese to taste
1 tbsp olive oil (or coconut oil)

Preheat oven to 375

In a medium skillet heat the oil to medium heat, add chicken and cook through. Add onions, pepper, pepper flakes, spinach, garlic salt and sauté until soft. Add cream cheese and let all the flavors blend for a moment. Take mixture off the heat and spray a baking sheet with cooking spray. Stuff the chicken mixture into the caps, top with desired amount of parm. Bake uncovered for 10-15 min.

Bam! Enjoy your healthy homemade dinner betches! I served it with left over green beans and a small portion of zesty sweet potato fries. Hubs approved :)

PS- have no fear, a comical baby mama drama story is near!


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Calm Before the Storm…

As most of you have read on my FB or Twitter, your fave hot mess has landed a BIG GIRL JOB! And if you were wondering did hell freeze over?! The answer is no, because it’s still freaking 95 degrees out here in the land of humidity AKA Florida.

I start as the new sales admin for a local shipping company on Monday…and I am a bit nervous. Not because of the job and what it entails, just the fact that I will be nearly (ok 35 hours) full-time there, full-time at USF and part-time SMom. Throw in that 35 mile drive to BFE 2-3 times a week followed by class then work. Add a night class-which is a whopping 3 hours and all the other shit I tend to over commit myself to and you may flip out for me! LOL. We all know I am OCD and have every millisecond mapped out, but with a 5 yr old SD SHIT happens. And it’s normally at the worst times, obviously!

In other news:

School: my professors are pretty legit and I’m actually really into my Biopolitics class. We Americans sure  used to be some real heartless assholes! Example: Tuskegee Syphilis Study or when we “allegedly” established a fake hepatitis B vaccination (in lieu of the Polio one that was needed) campaign in Pakistan to help apprehend its most wanted man; Bin Laden. Way to go Merica, nothing says trust like faking out sick people! VOM. Seriously though, look that shit up. It’s pretty interesting.

Travel:  just got back  Monday night from a mini vacay in Orlando with a few friends and had an AWESOME time. So awesome that I in fact will be detoxing and working out like a nutbag for the next month prior to our next mini vacay…you know, in all that extra time I will have soon. Up next is my 10 year high school reunion (Side Note: GET YOUR CHECKS IN SLACKING COUGAR ALUMNI) in St. Pete in mid October followed by NYC for turkey day. The mom will be in town for Halloween and we are staying one night at Disney for Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween shin-dig, so I guess that counts too haha!

Life: Good in general. Hubs business is thriving, I nailed a job, dogs are good and SD’s behavior has been pretty on point. Tiffs here and there with BM, but that is just par for the course on this blog isn’t it?! I am happy to admit that I will be pulling out of that more and more as I get busier with work and school. I will no longer be the go to for appointments or other randoms. I decided its more than time to get on with me and if other people fall to the wayside (hubs being an exception), then so be it.

FitnASS: if you aren’t following me on Twitter (http://twitter.com/MandaB11), shame on you. If you are, then you know it’s #SquatSeptember and I am up to 70 today. Start with a lower goal and add 5 on everyday. Your ass and/or significant other can thank me & @gymratdiaries later. Back on the cardio grind and a new B complex supplement. No more fatty food until I can drink my face off with it…and we’re on day 2 of that so lets see how I feel next week haha!

Todays Dinner: Greek chicken pitas with cukes, golden cherry toms, onion, light feta, tzatsiki sauce & spinach couscous. Also whipped up a batch of pumpkin cake; which is only a can of pumpkin and a box of sugar free yellow cake mix baked at 350 for like 30 min or so. DELISH.

That’s all I’ve got for ya today kids. Til next week! <3


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Jalapeno Pineapple Mahi

Hola Betches! Here is a recipe I concocted yesterday and it turned out fab! Its a little heat and sweet and would probably do well with chicken or pork chops too. FUN FACT: whenever I type or write jalapeno I always say Ja-lap-en-oh in my head. Told you I’m a bit off haha!  Let me know what you think if you whip up a batch :)

Jalapeno Pineapple Mahi

Pretty, right!?

  • 2 4oz Mahi filets (I used frozen)
  • 1/2 can pineapple tidbits & juice
  • 2 tbsp diced canned jalapenos
  • 1 tbsp honey
  • 2 tbsp salsa (I had Newman’s black bean & corn on hand)
  • Dash salt
  • 1/2 tsp flour
  • Cooking Spray
  • Mrs Dash Table Blend
  • 1/2 tbsp butter
 Combine the first 7 ingredients and place in refrigerator for 30 min. Heat skillet on medium Season filets with Mrs Dash. Melt butter in pan and add fish. Cook 4-7 min (depending on thickness of filets) on one side. Remove half cooked fish, spray pan with cooking spray and return fish to pan for another 4-7 min. Plate fish and top with sauce. Serve with your favorite veggie or side item (I used a birds eye steam fresh with asparagus, gold and white corn and baby carrots that I added garlic salt to).
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Hello, my name is “THAT (S)MOM”…

Soooo here we are on day two of the first week of school! YAY! I must admit although I have dreamt about this for a couple years (to avoid daycare costs and 24/7 entertaining SD), it is a bit odd. I mean I know I didn’t birth her (praise cheesus to that), but it is still a little mind-blowing that SD is in real life school, not some BS 3 hour VPK nonsense.

A kindergartener?! REALLY?! Am I that old!? Shit. 

Anyhoo, there has been a trending convo that my other mom (& mostly my baffled non mom) friends in the past couple weeks: being THAT MOM. I am first to admit that I am OCD, need a paper trail for most communication or agreements, and have my calendar filled in through December. I think you all know a “THAT MOM”, in fact you do…MEEEEEE :)  We are the ones who made gifts for the kids and teacher on their first day, the ones that make peanut butter banana sushi in lunches, the PTA pushing, overly involved ladies! I think that the evolution of Pinterest and how easily anyone can access crafty awesomeness on blogs has a LOT to do with the outrageous things us moms and smoms are doing with our “free time”. But seriously, what kid doesn’t want pb nanner sushi in their lunch!? I sure as hell would! I had these gems ready to go for the first day over a week ago:

Obvi I didn’t hand out an empty vase! Flowers were added the night before. DUH.

The truth is I am an ass kissing-overachiever by nature and I LOVE giving gifts. Ok, and I don’t mind out doing people either LOL! I had my volunteer app turned in June. Outfits are picked out for SD for the next 3 weeks (mind you we are on every other day visitation so it’s not THAT much to have together). I had a letter for our teacher in hand on orientation to explain our parenting plan and the bonkers amount of travel that SD would be encountering on our days (45 min, 33 mile trip one way) because I am concerned it may get crazy and I wanted her to be in the loop. And last night I already wrote another note asking how I could help and explaining that there would be clothing back and forth daily in her bag. A bit much? Maybe…but I like to cover my ass and be prepared.

This fall is my LAST full semester at USF, and I have 15 credit hours (3 courses on campus and 2 online). I’d say about mid September my head will spin trying to keep up with kindergarten happenings, my school work, a potential job and keeping this house in order-stay tuned for that doozie of a post! Hence, I am prepared before shit hits the fan. I have Labor Day vacay planned, Halloween mapped out-costume and all, visitation break downs through December, Thanksgiving in NYC set to book this weekend, Christmas Eve dinner reservations set (BTW I only had to call 35 times to get through to WDW dining… But Be Our Guest Restaurant  looks SO worth it), and lots of other ridiculous shit handled…but it is HANDLED and everyone who is being  judgey can kiss my ass :)

I’ll check back in after my first experience in the “car rider line”  on Friday. I’m sure I will get yelled at or nearly truck a kid with the X5. Wh0ops!


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Hot Mess does OG Dressing!

As promised, below is my rendition of the Olive Garden Italian Dressing. GASP! Is this 2 posts this week?! OH SNAP! Personally I like it better than the real deal OG, but I may try and sub out the corn syrup for agave next go round. I’m not really a fan of OG and frankly I think it is a shame they call it “Italian”, but the salad and lovely 140 calorie a pop breadsticks are prettttty dang good. It has been at least a HOT 5+ years since I have gone to the joint too though, so don’t get all pissy patty** on me because you LOVE it or some shit!

Hot Mess OG Dressing

  • 1/8 C White Vinegar
  • 1/8 C White Wine Vinegar
  • 3 tbsp grated parm
  • 1/2 tsp garlic salt
  • 1/2 tsp Italian seasoning
  • 1/2 tsp salt
  • 2 tbsp light corn syrup
  • 2 tbsp reduced fat mayo
  • 1/4 cup water
  • 1 tbsp lemon juice
 Mix all that jazz up and combine with a PREPARED (water & oil of your choice) packet of Good Seasonings Zesty Italian Mix
Chill 1 hour before serving, will keep 3-4 weeks in sealed jar or bottle. I used a Grolsch bottle I had saved for god knows what LOL.
**Pissy Patty side note: I have spent basically an entire “work day” cleaning up what seems to be 2 gallons of SD’s pee, because she “didn’t want to get up” last night and go in ohhhhh I don’t know where… MAYBE in the TOILET!?!  Steam clean, rinse, repeat 5 times, sprinkle with baking soda, vacuum, dab with vinegar & water, wait to dry…STILL  wreaks of urine. SUPER, right!?
Breakfast at Denny’s Shot: 
  • 1 oz Jameson (or any whiskey will do, I know we can’t be fancy all the time lol)
  • 1/2 oz Butterscotch Schnapps
  • Served chilled with an OJ back and a slice of bacon
(Thanks Megs for reminding me of this gem and adding the bacon!)
Happy Monday, we all managed to survive another…although many of us prob would have been better off with a couple bfasts at dennys to start it off !
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Half Milli Spaghetti: Hot Mess Express Cooks Dinner

Apologies for the lack of posts, but you know the deal. New goal for the remainder of 2012 is to blog once a week on SOMEthing. Be it food, my daily drama or whatever, I need to step my game up!

I have been pinning like a champ the last few days (My Pinterest) and decided to try out a recipe for Sunday fat dinner. Yes, that’s a real life thing here in our house on most Sundays. I actually decided to do a healthier twist on this popular pin Million Dollar Spaghetti via Being Grown Up so that I could down some vino in the process. OK and maybe the leftover cold stone! So here is my version of this fab dish!

  • 1lb 93/7 ground turkey
  • 1 jar of your fave spaghetti sauce
  • 1 cup cottage cheese (I did 4% because I can’t deal with small curd)
  • 1 package 1/3 fat cream cheese (8oz)
  • 1/4 cup fat free sour cream
  • 1/2 stick butter
  • 10 oz whole wheat angel hair pasta
  • 1 tbsp italian seasoning
  • 1 tsp garlic salt
  • Red pepper flakes (to taste)
  • 1/2 bag reduced fat shredded italian 4 cheese blend

Preheat oven to 350. Boil noodles (apprx 6 min). While those bad boys are in the jacuzzi, mix the cottage cheese/sour cream/cream cheese/seasoning/garlic salt together. Slice up half the butter and scatter it in the baking dish. Cook and drain turkey, mix with sauce. Put half the cooked pasta on top of the butter and spread entire cheese mix over that. Layer the other half of noodles on top of the cheese mix & top with remaining slices of butter (1/4 stick). Spread sauce over the top and sprinkle on as much pepper flakes as you can deal with. Bake at 350 for 30 min, take out and top with shredded cheese, bake again for 10 min or until bubbly. CHOW DOWN!

I didn’t calculate this in myfitnasspal yet, but it has to be better (for you) than the original recipe. I served it with a salad topped with my variation of the Olive Garden dressing. And chardonnay, DUH. If you’re lucky I’ll post that this week too. LOL. No, I will tomorrow.

Boom! Dinner is served…now someone come get these leftovers!

Nighty night betches!


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Mud Runs, Real Ryders & Bad Kids…

Alrighty, so it has been an eventful few weeks and I have been back to my psycho gym and diet routine! YAY!! PS I <3 adipex, judge me lol!! So here is the low down as of late:

On top of attempting to be Ms. Fitness of the YMCA I managed to survive the “Prison Break Mud Run” in Tampa last weekend. It was a little over 4 miles of mud, sweat, air guns being shot at you, swimming, running, jumping, & climbing stuff that I may or may not have whined my way through…but I made it damn it! Truth be told my anxiety was through the roof prior to being nailed in the ass by one of those air guns, but then I realized I wasn’t dying and kept truckin’ lol. I’m not a runner, and this course had a lot of that so I was dragging ass. I anticipated more obstacle like stuff to break it up but no such luck. At the end of the day, I had fun and burned about 700 calories all before noon on a Saturday. Obviously that rendered 7-10 Skinny Girl Margs & Pina Coladas. DUH. I def recommend the pina over the marg!


So while still on my adipex high I agreed to also try out spinning at my man BFF’s new studio: www.ON1cycle.com It. Kicked. My. Ass. This is not a typical YMCA class with weird background music and crappy bikes in a tiny room-it is super legit. Reid got the best stuff on the market and put them in a studio that most retail stores can’t compare with. The logo is perfect, the music is BA, music videos are streaming on the flat screens and the bikes…are nuts! ON1 Cycle has a fleet of Real Ryder bikes that kick your ass. They actually lean side to side and work your abs like you wouldn’t believe. I was spent after the 45 minute class this morning…and my lady parts are a a little angry that I didn’t have more cushion, but my jacked glutes, hammies & quads out weigh the pain :)


Me, Reid & Sara post getting “ON1”

So that was all good shit, right?! Well it wouldn’t be my blog if I didn’t throw in a rant somehow, so here we go. Today I picked up SD, who I was told by BM had a rough morning prior to going to summer camp at her elementary school. Nothing I’m not used to here, obviously. Well I go to the computer to log her out and I get flagged to go see the lady that runs the show…SUPER! Turns out SD popped off and wouldn’t follow directions during a safety procedure. She got written up! I got the usual “I don’t know” when I asked what happened, followed by the crocodile tears. Silent 40 minute car ride home. Took away the beloved LeapPad & TV per BD and she doesn’t seem to give a shit! Letting BD handle the “talk” when he gets home. I’ll be pouring vodka and watching the show :) Maybe I am over reacting, or I expect too much but dear baby cheesus…I made it from K to HS graduation without ONE DAMN WRITE UP. She is not even technically in kindergarten yet lol. AY YI YI.

Thats all I’ve got for now! Check back in after the Keys next weekend. DRINK UP BETCHES!


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